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Below are my journal entries from my retreat in Hana, Maui in October, 2007. This is presented in three installments: Sunday, October 21, 2007
Dear Friends,
My retreat in Maui was everything I could have hoped for. I return to you now relaxed, focused and ready to walk the path that has opened before me. The crystals I took with me are fully charged and ready to do their job as well; we will get them out to you as soon as we can.
I have attempted here to share what I experienced in my meditations, visions and messages. It is my hope that by sharing my journey, I will help illuminate your own.
Background The work I share with you, my music, meditations, spiritual websites & newsletters, is normally done in those quiet hours just before dawn and on weekends. I earn my primary living from my work in computers, where I am currently a consultant, implementing large business systems (SAP).
Although I have lived this way for many years, in the months before my Maui retreat, I had increasingly begun to see this as a conflict, a problem to be solved. Perhaps it was simply that I was tired from long hours in the office and on the freeway, but I began to feel an urgent need to find answers to my questions: Is this really how I should be living? Should I dedicate myself completely to music and spiritual work, trusting that I will be supported? What do my readers truly need most from me?
During my retreat in Maui, I received the answers to these questions.
The Retreat
I have a very
dear friend, Mary, who has been with me every step of my spiritual
journey. You may have met Mary
And now Mary and I were again on a spiritual journey together, to become Karuna Reiki Masters in Maui. (Go to www.reiki.org to learn more about Karuna Reiki.)
We stayed at the
Hana Maui hotel, a peaceful enclave with cottages overlooking the
ocean. No television or radio, no c
For the first three days, Mary, the crystals and I went to our class, an incredible experience that included guided meditations, group healing sessions and attunements into Karuna Reiki.
For the last four days, we put the crystals out on the terrace, where they joined us in soaking in the Hawaiian rain, sun and ocean roar, as well as the energy of our private meditations and Reiki sessions.
My Journal Below are entries from my Maui journal.
Thursday, October 4, 2007 We have arrived. I am now sitting on the veranda of my ocean view cottage at the Hotel Hana Maui with my dear friend Mary, who gave me this journal as a gift. Heaven!
Friday, October 5, 2007 I just had my first level Karuna Reiki attunement. Nothing dramatic. Just a peaceful feeling. I asked for the presence of Jesus and received it, but not in a dramatic way, just in a surrounding warmth with the words, “I am awake in your life,” the same words I heard back in July.
“And thus are we transformed” is what just went through my mind. And now I see a long road stretching out in front of me. I am walking it alone, but with the sure knowledge that I am not alone at all.
* Saturday, October 6th, early morning on the deck of our cottage My body really wanted a particular Karuna energy that we received yesterday, so Mary gave me a session a few minutes ago.
During the
session I saw two sides of myself. First was the practical,
sensible side,
Perhaps Thinking Carrie could learn to take care of Visionary Carrie in a kinder, gentler, less critical way; perhaps she could fully accept that dreamy side that just wants to sing and create, talk to Quado and Jesus and commune with God.
I think this is the resolution to be sought this week.
* Saturday, October 6th, during Karuna Reiki class
We just had a
lovely guided meditation. I walked through a thick forest, then
across a green meadow under blue skies and up a hill. On the hill
was an enormous crystal,
I approached the chest and opened it. Slowly, two beings emerged, silvery white and glowing. After a moment I recognized that the one in the front, the smaller of the two, was Mary, Mother Mary, and she was somewhat merged with Jesus who was behind her and taller.
Mary came forward and embraced me with motherly love, an embrace so complete that it filled every place within me that needed filling. And I knew that she was not only here to fill me with love, but to act as a pathway to her son, an opening, a way to more easily access that energy that I seem to be so drawn toward.
And then I found myself lifted into the light. There I was, a little baby, held by loving and adoring parents. They were my parents, but transformed by love and free of their own fears. They held me and looked at me with such adoration. Oh, she is so perfect!
And I began to grow into an adult, deeply adored and appreciated for being exactly as I am, just me. As I grew I was surrounded by light and goodness, deeply in touch with many beings of light.
Then I knelt
before Jesus and he baptized me, making the sign of the cross on my
forehead.
And now, after the meditation, I can still feel the cross on my forehead.
* Saturday, October 6th, on the deck of the hotel, during a break in Karuna Reiki class
I’m starting to feel some clarity on how to focus my life. In fact, the answer is coming right now: “There is no problem to be solved.”
Yes, that’s it. I have been seeking to solve a problem, but there is no problem to be solved. I am deeply blessed by having an artist visionary side as well as a side that can function in the “real” world. I feel healed of the true problems, which were the fear, doubt and criticism. But the rest is really quite wonderful.
There is no need to be extreme, no need to make radical choices. Just relax and let life unfold. I can just let my analytical side be a nurturing parent to my artist visionary side, and not put pressure on the artist visionary by asking her to run a successful business. And how blessed I am to have both!
* Sunday, October 7th, last day of Reiki class
We just had
another guided meditation. This time, after emerging from the
forest,
The vast temple was full of enlightened beings including, of course, Mary and Jesus. Again, I knelt before Jesus and was baptized with the sign of the cross on my forehead. Again, I felt the sign go deeply within me.
I saw many statues inside the temple, several statues of Mary with her arms outstretched to accept and comfort. There were also crucifixions and a pieta, which made me feel uncomfortable at first, but whenever Jesus was seen on the cross or in Mary’s arms, there was also movement, so it never seemed like suffering. It was instead a symbolic spiritual quickening.
Then the temple was full of enlightened beings and many, many angels. There was a clearing and cleansing. I forgave and I was forgiven. “I love you, I forgive you, I set you free.”
I started to leave the temple, but then turned and ran back, ran through the temple and embraced and said goodbye to everyone. I was so full of pure love, it seemed impossible that I could actually leave.
And now, with the meditation over, I can still feel the cross on my forehead.
*
This seems like the right time to ask my other question. What do the readers of my websites want and need from me?
And the answer comes: “The holy, the sacred. To be a portal to the mystical and to God.”
* We meditate on Om.
I start to see a
church, but it quickly dissolves. Now I am riding on a huge white
bird,
And then I know the answer: true holiness requires freedom. This is what my readers want and need: holiness and freedom.
Yes, this is it, the answer to my question. These three words are framing what we are to do together: Holiness Sacredness Freedom.
The Visions and Messages In the following four days, I received five visions from Mary and Jesus as well as two Quado messages on the topic of holiness and freedom.
The first vision and message are included below. The others I will share with you over the next few weeks.
Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey.
In love & peace, holiness & freedom, Carrie
The First Vision Monday, October 8th, 6 AM on the cottage terrace
Jesus appears, then Mary appears in front of him, holding out her hand.
Come walk with us in the garden.
This is the tree of life. Its roots go deep into both earthly life and in faith, for it requires faith to sustain you through the trials and tribulations of this life.
But know that the love of God that flows is real, very real, as real as the stream that runs through the garden to water the tree. And if the love seems sometimes a flood that challenges all that you have and are, tearing at the roots and apparently eroding the very soil in which you grow, still it is love, love in the many guises and love in its many seasons. Still it is love.
And the fruit on the tree, this golden pear full of juice and joy, is the great and sacred love of life, for the more that you allow yourself to love life, the more you give yourself over to it, in storm or in flood, or when the river appears to disappear underground, the more the juice will flow in and gladden your heart.
You are here to live this life, as it is, as you are. You are here to embrace each moment, the lustful passions and the children that result, the meal set upon the table and the table filled only with faith, the stroll in the garden of plenty and the trek across the barren desert.
All of it is life. All of it is to be embraced and treasured. And when the golden pear appears not on the tree, so does it glow in your heart to sustain you. Let it be a part of your faith, a part of what pulls you and pushes you and drives you through.
You do not need answers. You need faith. And faith answers only with faith. And as you stand before this tree of life, see that you are one with it, your crown of leaves reaching to heaven, your feet firmly planted in faith and the golden pear glowing in your heart.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007, 2 AM, on the cottage terrace
Carrie: Quado, are you the one to answer this?
Quado: Just ask the questions and receive the answers; do not concern yourself beyond that. There is so much going on, so many spirits coming to your aid and interested in what you are doing that it is best to simply let it be.
Carrie: I am getting the words holiness and freedom, that this is what the readers of our website and newsletters need. I would like to better understand exactly what is meant by this.
Answer: We have done much already to tell people about how to live a better life, calmer, more centered, a life lived within the moment. We have provided meditations to help lift people into a deep love of life and, most importantly, a love of themselves. We have centered our teachings around love and forgiveness, including a forgiveness of the self. We have also provided tools, through the power animal site, to help people make decisions based on intuition.
All of this is good and all of this stays. But yet, there is more.
The time has come
to lift up into holiness. But it is to be a holiness based on
And there is a holiness that you can reach, that all can reach, which lifts them up beyond a place where they are sorting out the negative and positive, the light and the dark, and simply recognizing both sides as a part of the whole, one illuminating the other.
You begin in the darkness of ignorance. Then you proceed through a stage where you are training yourself to think positively, to come out of the past and future and into now, and all of this is good. All of this allows you to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
But there comes a time when you are ready for the mystery. When you need to embrace the mystery and be lifted into it. There comes a time when you are ready to embrace faith completely, which means an utter cessation of asking why, for faith is the only answer. And a time when you cease to probe and explore the mystery, and simply allow yourself to be embraced by it. A time when you stop trying to drive the negative from your life, but begin instead to allow yourself now to be, to just be, with all sides of yourself as you are, all sides here within you, and recognize yourself for the goodness that you are.
And as you begin to do this, as you begin to accept all parts and aspects of yourself and see God shining within each one, as you begin to see God in the face of every person you encounter, even those you might have judged and found wanting, then you can begin the journey into holiness.
And the aspect of freedom that is so important here is that true holiness is not found by following rules. It is found by reaching down into your own heart and finding God there, letting that godliness fill you completely until you can feel the oneness that you are, and finding the guidance there.
We are seeking here to embrace the mystery, to walk in faith, to be the mystery and the godliness.
Experience God. Experience God within every atom of your being. Let every drop of dew on the rose shine with God, encompass God, and sing out God’s praises. Let every line and pore on your body encompass and embrace God and godliness. Let every strand of hair on your head sway with godliness. Let the soil under your feet and the clouds floating across the sky sing out with godliness.
And if you are walking through the forest of wonder or in a deep fog of confusion and mystery, it does no matter. You can still learn to walk with God illuminating each step along the way.
There is a light that shines and it is you, and it is God and there is no difference. There is a heart that loves and it is you and it is God and there is no difference.
There is an angel at your shoulder and as you turn to look, it is you.
There is a cloud
in the sky that writes your name large. You are in everything and
The dark, the light, the fullness and the emptiness, the mystery that cannot be solved is you. The faith that allows you to step out into the obscured mysteries of life with joy, that is you. That faith and courage reside in your heart.
And here, right here in this forest, with the furthest reaches shrouded in fog and mystery, only able to see a few trees and the barest suggestion of a path through the dense growth, here, in the heart of this deepening mystery, you begin to see that mystery begets mystery and that the journey in will uncover wonder, but no answers. Merely wonder. Merely godliness. Merely grace.
And it is this grace that is also a very large part of the holiness that we seek, for grace is given as a gift but never formed in any other way. Grace and faith walk hand in hand, for when the faith is great enough, the grace is granted and the next step is made clear.
But the clarity of the forest lies only deep within you and only the barest glimpses are given. The holiness lies in deep acceptance of this, so that after a time you come to love the fog of mystery, you come to realize that God is the mystery as well as the grace and the freedom and beauty that live within you.
And faith becomes
a breath you take with each step as you embrace what is. And as
you look behind you, you see flowers have sprung up in your
footsteps, for you have
Holiness is completely separate from the circumstances of your life. Attainment of a deeply holy state does not mean that you are rich or poor, does not mean that you succeed or fail or fulfill goals you have set out for your physical attainment in this life. It does not mean you are good or bad, have broken rules or followed them, behaved yourself well according to society or behaved badly. None of this is relevant to your state of holiness.
For the freedom of true holiness allows you to set your own guidelines for what is truly right or wrong for you, on your path as you walk. And you walk in such a deep state of grace that you know that forgiveness is so complete that it is no longer even necessary, for there is nothing to forgive. How can forgiveness be required when there is no wrong to be righted, no mistake to be corrected? Forgiveness is granted in every moment, even as the words leave your mouth or the thought crosses your mind, even as you take action you later come to understand differently.
In a state of holiness, forgiveness and compassion are a ground state ingrained in your being, as natural and easy to you as each breath of faith that you take.
And God continues to sparkle in the eyes of each person you meet and grace is in each word they utter, for the holiness of each person shines out to you like a light.
I am this. You are this. We are this. And this is God. And grace flows.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
The Next Two Visions In the last four days of my Maui retreat, I received five visions from Mary and Jesus as well as two Quado messages on the topic of holiness and freedom. Last week I shared with you the first vision and message. This week I am sharing the next two visions. I will share the final vision and message next week.
Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey.
In love & peace, Carrie
*
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 around 6:30 AM. As I sit on the veranda and watch the sun rise over Maui, a vision comes to me. I write it down in my journal as it occurs.
I see a landscape stretched out before me, but I must draw closer to see what it is. I sense it is another kingdom, but I am in a mist, unable to quite discern it.
Now an angel appears on each side of me. They each take an arm of mine and begin to fly toward this kingdom of light. Yes, I can see now that it is sparkling in light. We fly and fly toward it, yet still it is indistinct to me, just shapes and colors and features I can almost make out, but not quite.
Is there a waterfall? Perhaps. A desert? Perhaps.
Now Jesus appears before me and then in front of him, Mary. She reaches out a hand to me and says, “Come with us now into the kingdom of the heart.”
The clouds glow with pink light as we walk into them. And now before me is a waterfall on the left, with lush green ferns growing on the surrounding rocks. The power of the falls subsumes all around it. It is all I can hear or see. I can feel the spray of the water on my face.
Jesus says, “My father is here,” and a rainbow moves through the falls.
Then Mary gestures to the right, where a barren desert stretches out, mile after mile of sand, baked hard in the relentless sun. There is no water to be seen, just miles and miles of burning sand. I can feel the heat on my face.
Jesus says, “My father is here,” and a lizard runs across the sand.
The clouds again form around me, glowing pink and gold. Then they clear. And as they clear, I see a fertile valley formed where the waterfall on the left poured into the desert on the right. The valley is teeming with life. The waterfall has provided enough water so that there are streams everywhere. Trees have sprung up fed by the water and golden pears of wisdom hang from the trees.
And over on the left, on a rock at the top of the waterfall, the lizard sits, sunning himself and smiling.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 around 11 PM. I am sitting in quiet contemplation when a vision comes to me. I write it down in my journal as it occurs.
Jesus appears before me, and then Mary before him. She reaches out her hand to me and says, “Come with us up the mountain.”
There is snow on the rocks as we begin to climb. The wind is cold and blowing strongly, but still we climb. The rock is hard and the climb is steep, but it is somehow not overly difficult.
We stop before a cliff. There is a tree growing out of the cliff, just barely hanging on, its roots clinging to the rocks.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
We continue the climb. We stop before a craggy peak, where a majestic eagle sits. Suddenly he soars off into the clouds, his wings outstretched in beauty and power.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
And we continue to climb. The snow is heavier and we encounter a little bunny rabbit shivering in the snow. He hops away, frightened by our presence.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
And at the very top, the clouds clear and we see a verdant valley below. Many people live there, tilling the soil, picking fruit off the trees.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
Then we walk around to the other side of the mountain and below see a great city. Airplanes fly in and out. Ocean liners arrive and leave the port. Skyscrapers reach to the sky and cars clog the busy freeways.
The city is humming with enterprise and also struggling with poverty. We see the rich and the poor doing what the rich and the poor do. We see the privileged and the confident, the timid and the dispossessed, all doing what they do in a great city.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
And then he climbs to the very top, the highest rock on the highest peak, so that all is encompassed in his look and his outstretched arms, as he slowly rotates, his love and blessings flowing out and down upon the verdant valley and the humming city both.
And a momentary hush falls as the pink light flows down like a cloud. And for this moment, all of the people stop, touch their hearts and feel the blessing and the love, the love that cannot be surpassed and that never ends.
And then they pick up their plows and their briefcases, push their shopping carts and start up their cars, as if nothing had happened, nothing at all.
But a tiny pink remains in the air, just the lightest tinge of blessing. And here and there a few people pause again, look at the pink in the clouds, put their hands on their hearts and say a little prayer of thanks.
And this prayer causes the pink to expand and glow, enough so that a few more notice it. Some of these pause and some do not. But enough notice and enough give thanks that the love stays in the air and does not dissipate, stays in the air and in the breath, hangs over the busy activities and floats in the consciousness, never to be quite the same as before.
And as a little pink puff of love is about to dissolve, someone suddenly notices it and give thanks and causes it to glow and expand.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Dear Friends,
During my Maui retreat, I received five visions from Mary and Jesus as well as two Quado messages on the topic of holiness and freedom. This week I am sharing the final Quado message and the last two visions.
Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey. I appreciate your letters of support for our work together.
In love & peace, Carrie
Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 5 AM. Carrie: How are we to move into this state of holiness?
The answer: You will be guided, of course. And the guidance has already begun.
The keys are meditation and contemplation. And we will continue to produce meditations that will lift people into higher energies, energies of holiness.
Contemplation is important because this is holiness with freedom. You will not be given external rules to follow. You must learn to go within and find your own guidelines for behavior. This is a very personal holiness to be achieved and it requires your conscious and active involvement in the process.
Spend time contemplating sacred writings. You will find that they often ask questions about mystery, about faith, about God, rather than giving answers. That is because their purpose is to lead you to opening your mind so that you may then find your own answers.
You, Carrie, have begun to
receive visions that can serve as contemplations for others. This will
continue. We will not interpret these visions or try to explain them. Instead
we will offer them up as sacred contemplations, to be taken by each person and
interpreted in their own way, turned into a holy meaning that is personal, that
is deep, that is worthy of this precious life.
And then, throughout the day, you may each begin to live your life a bit differently by watching always for the God that is speaking through each person you encounter and the God that is present in each place you go.
If you look, you will see. If you seek this presence within each moment, you will find it.
Holiness is utter simplicity. It is a way to live that cares not for the circumstances and situations of your life. It does not matter if you are caught in traffic, shopping for groceries, paying the bills or contemplating a perfect sunset. This is your life and it is holy. This moment contains God, for you are one with the wonder and glory that is God. You are God.
And as such, how could this moment not be holy? And the others who surround you, in the car that just cut in front of you, or pushing the grocery cart ahead of you in line, or on the telephone asking you for payment of a charge that you did not incur, these people are holy as well, each and every one. The soldiers in battle, on both sides, are holy, as holy as the monks privileged to be in the distant monastery. All are holy. You cannot help it. They cannot help it. It is what you are.
Our goal here is not to change who and what you are, for that cannot be changed. Our goal is to guide you to finding the holiness inside yourself and others and then to allowing it to express itself through the actions you take in your life. Every moment is a choice you make about how you will spend the precious second that has been granted you in this lifetime.
But do not interpret this as a suggestion that you must change the work that you do, that there are some professions nobler than others. All work done with integrity is noble. The answer is to reach a state of integrity with what you do and to infuse your every thought and action with holiness, which is simply the recognition of the presence of God in everything.
It is simplicity itself.
After the above message from Quado, I went out on the veranda, to watch the sun rise over the ocean. I traced the Karuna Reiki clairvoyance-enhancing symbol over my third eye, an action that had triggered the previous visions. I then received two visions, both of which I recorded in my journal as they came to me.
Mary appears, standing in front of Jesus. She holds out her hand and says, “Come with us now, down into the cave, this tomb of kings.”
We enter a cave, dark but spacious. As my eyes adjust, I see that there is some light inside, though I cannot see its source. The air is cool and still. We walk soundlessly across the cool stone floor in the dim light.
Jesus points to the tomb of a king. He was greatly revered and his tomb is covered with stories of his greatness.
“So are the blessed,” Jesus says.
We continue walking. He points to another tomb, this one in disrepair. The writings indicate that this was a cruel king, hated and feared, a man responsible for much suffering.
“And yet he is blessed,” Jesus says.
Then I see a spirit rising from this tomb, aglow with light, glorious to behold. Angels surround the spirit and sing. I look back to the other tomb and see the same thing, a beautiful glowing spirit surrounded by angels.
The spirits move forward to the center of the cave and merge, becoming one in light and love. Then they are lifted to the light, up through the roof of the cave into the heavens. They are one spirit, one light.
And I am alone in the cave, standing on the cool stones as a fresh breeze blows gently through.
Mary appears with Jesus standing behind her. She holds out her hand and says, “Come with us now to the battlefield.”
We are suddenly in the midst of a fierce battle. Soldiers are shooting, running for cover, shooting more. From this vantage point, dropped into this as we were, it is impossible to tell what they are fighting for. But they are dressed differently and it is clear to them who is on which side.
Now I see through the eyes of one soldier. His vision is cloudy. He is in a state of shock, responding only from his training. Then I see through the eyes of a soldier on the other side and it is the same. With the loud sounds, the movement fast and confusing, the dust flying in the air, the experience is even beyond fear. It is beyond what is human and real.
And then for one moment the two soldiers I am within come around the corner and see each other, face to face. Hatred and fear flash across their eyes as they reach for their guns. But it is like slow motion, for Jesus has motioned to a ring of angels who descend, surrounding them. As they raise their weapons, their vision suddenly clears and they see each other as people, as men who can still fall in love and father children, till the soil and watch the sun rise.
This recognition brings tears to their eyes and they turn from each other, back as they came.
Then the angels disappear and the battle continues, the outcome uncertain.
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omputers. Just peace, beauty
and the constant sound of the ocean striking the lava rocks below.
Our cottage had a wide terrace with an incredible view, just grass,
other peaceful cottages, swaying palm trees and the ocean.
who
was deeply critical of the other side, the gentle visionary. This
mystic side is so loving, sweet and good, but she sometimes makes a
mess of things, doesn’t keep good books or pay the taxes on time.
And then the logical, thinking side has to step in and straighten it
all out. 
as
large as a house, sparkling and glowing in the sun. There was a
door; I entered. Inside, the crystal house was bright and
sparkling, full of angels and benevolent spirits, a place of true
wonder. After a time I saw a treasure chest and knew that it
contained something meant just for me.
I
could feel the cross etched deeply in my skin; no, deeper. And then
I was enveloped in Mary’s love and Jesus’ love. All of my fears
were completely healed and I felt myself in the arms of a deeply
supporting, loving, motherly protection and yes, adoration.
we took a path to the left, up a high mountain to a sacred temple.
I walked up the temple steps, and on each of the seven steps, felt
my chakras clear, from root to crown.
freedom,
not on restriction. There are no rules that surround this
holiness. It is based solely on the deepest possible rivers of love
and respect, a respect that reaches not only into respect for the
self and others, but a respect for the holiness of every being that
is, whether alive and walking this earth or in sprit form only.
Holiness is recognition of the deep godliness of all. A deep
recognition that everyone is an aspect of God, that there is no
difference, there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, there
simply is.
everything is in you.
left a path of grace and love through the mystery, a path others
might follow if the freedom in their hearts lead them down the same
path.
And
now we are within it, but it is like being within a cloud. The angels depart
and leave me standing alone in the midst of this cloud.
